Heart t' Heart

[brokenhearted]

My husband has relapsed. Same thing as before....lied to my face for a very long time before I caught him. As far as I know, none of this started until two years ago, seven years into our marriage. Maybe I am still in denial. He just baptized my daughter, he just got back to taking the sacrament, and was a week away from potentially getting his temple recommend back. Apparently he had relapsed long before any of that. I guess he has no problem outright lying to the bishop as well.

I know (because I have been told many times) that other people deal with this for far longer before they even, if ever, consider divorce. But I am ready to separate. I can't take the pain. I can't have him be so closely and intensely involved in my life and feel the only way to lessen the pain of his acting out is to become independent of him. Maybe this is wrong. I don't know. I am trying to do what's right.....I do think that with me in the house with him that it is too easy for me to try to control his recovery process. I need to give it fully to him and I think separating will help.

I know this is going to be so hard on the kids....we are actually going to keep them in the house and he and I take turns staying there with them. Still, If I stay it is harder on me and then I can't be there for the kids emotionally anyway and the tension in the home is palpable.

I know there are many people that would disagree with this decision. I guess they are stronger than me to live with this pain for so much longer. I guess I am just weak.

[JoJo]

I am sorry for your pain. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

I don't know if there is a right or wrong answer to the decision to leave. I think we learn as much as we can about this addiction. After we learn all that we can, we pray and then have to decide if we can live with it.

Your Father in Heaven loves you and will guide you. You are not alone. I pray that you have some support. Do you go to a support group in your area?

Work your program and stay close to the Spirit. I know with all my heart that Heavenly Father will be there for all of your as you go through this.

You are a beautiful - strong - daughter of God.

We all go through a grieving process. I have learned that we go through this grieving process many times. Things can happen that trigger us to end up back at Step One again and again. That is why we keep coming back and we work our programs. Stay on your side of the street and keep it clean. Put your relationship with Heavenly Father and the Savior first. I believe when we are working on that relationship first - everything else seems to not be so overwhelming.

Sending hugs, prayer, and love your way,
JoJo