Since you have found your way to this page, you must be wondering about the issue of “sexual addiction.” You may be concerned that this is a problem for you, or for someone you love. In either case, we believe that the following letter, written by a recovering member of Heart t’ Heart, specifically about sexual addiction, will be of help to you. The following material, while not explicit, is very “plain” in the spirit of 2 Nephi 33:6. We believe that to be plain and honest in the appropriate spirit is one of the most important aspects of turning to the Spirit of Truth Himself, the Lord Jesus Christ, in our search for the true power of recovery.
You may be wondering if your sexual behavior is becoming a problem. For years you have kept a secret life, separate from your church activities, separate from your relationship with your parents, your friends, your girlfriends or boyfriends, your spouse. You use pornography when you think you won’t get caught. You masturbate when you can’t resist it anymore. You try to cut back, but instead, the hunger gets deeper and deeper, and more and more insistent.
You find yourself looking at, contemplating, maybe even doing things that repulsed you only a few months ago. And they still repulse you when you are in your right mind. But the insanity keeps coming back and taking control of your mind, and then your actions. You know you’re hurting yourself. Maybe you’ve even hurt someone else. You feel such a loss of self control, and self respect. You feel so conflicted inside, like you are two different people, and they are at war with each other. You relate only too well with the story of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.
And you’ve lost so much. Things that you used to cherish seem unimportant now. Things that you used to find uplifting you now avoid. And there is a growing sense of hopelessness about this whole sex thing. What used to seem fun and exciting now seems like a cruel master you cannot escape from. Is there any hope? Is there any way out?
My friend, there is a way out. Maybe you’ve almost stopped hoping, but don’t give up. How do you think I know what you are going through? How do I know in such detail what has been going through your mind? Because it’s not you I was just writing about, it was me—my history. We’re not that different, and Satan’s snares work so well he doesn’t have to vary them all that much. It may not be exactly “one size fits all,” but close enough. One trap catches a whole lot of us. And the next trap over isn’t as different as we thought, either.
But it isn’t enough just to understand each other’s pain. There has to be more to help us heal. And I have some good news to hold out to you. In fact, THE Good News. It’s about Him. Jesus. He is real. He cares. And He is powerful beyond anything you have imagined.
I know you’ve tried praying before. I know you’ve asked Him to take it all away, dozens of times, and it hasn’t worked. At least not for long. Well, I was the same. We were reaching out for His help, but we weren’t getting the full dose—the full power. It’s like we were sinking into a pit of tar, and Jesus threw us a rope—but we only held on with one hand while He tried to pull us out. Or we held on with a few fingers of one hand. Or we held on for a while, but kept letting go, sliding back into the muck, then eventually grasping for the rope once again.
Would you like to know how to hold on with both hands, and hold on long enough to get pulled out and stay out? (Hint: The Lord can help you grab hold of the rope quickly if it does start to slip—and eventually hold on without ever letting go again.)
How do you do it? Well, the Twelve Steps can teach you how. They can help you find access to the full power of the Lord, so He can help you overcome whatever problem you are struggling with, be it sex, relationship addiction, alcohol, drugs, tobacco, gambling, overindulgence in food, video games, whatever. Whatever the problem, He is the answer. And Heart t’ Heart can help you find Him. It helped me find Him. And I know that He loves you just as much as He loves me. Can we help you find Him?
If you want to talk about it, you can e-mail me at Heart t’ Heart.